remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
