Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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