It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
