i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
