I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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