I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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