I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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