Where is the hickey?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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