I hate all girls vehemently.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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