well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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