The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
