He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
