Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
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good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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