We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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