OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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