you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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