you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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