final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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