i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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