my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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