Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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