im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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