No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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