I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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