She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
