overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
