Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
