Will you blow on my dice?
id be glad to
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
