3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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