shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
