I got chris browned last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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