The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found your dick twin last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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