No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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