so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
