somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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