Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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