I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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