Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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