I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
