Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
