last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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