i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
