is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
