I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
