I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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