dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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