Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
