sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
