im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize