a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
