we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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