You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
