Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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