There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
