i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
