The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
