you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
