Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
