i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
