Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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