mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
