He is an equal opportunity slut.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
