i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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