i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize